I am not bankrupt!

                                                                                 

This week seemed to take all my patience

all my understanding

all my strength

all my wisdom

all my love

all of me

 and

I  looked to God for his loving arms!

I felt alone and bankrupt.

I was running on the negative side of life!

By Friday I so wanted to be a robot!

I was tired of feeling.

I was tired of trying.

I was tired of getting the raw deal.

I was tired of that knife in my back.

I was tired of being human and having to deal with other humans!

I screamed and shouted about how

 I did not want to feel anything anymore!!!

After my little fit.  After my little pity party

after my rant, I looked at all the pictures of 

my kids, my girls, my husband

my twin, my friends, my in laws

my sisters, my brothers,my boy

my life's interactions so far and I 

realized that I would not be me if I was a Robot.

To be honest it was not suppose to be about me!

I was and still need to show who gave me everything!

It is suppose to be the prove of His love at work in my life.

I know that I am human and I make mistakes and 

I do and say things that I should not to

however

 if my life can be the proof of His true love then 

I have done what I need to. 

This is the how I know that God is real,

There is still love that is uncommon in this very common world.

There is forgiveness that this world can not explain.

There are still and will be living proof that God is real.

No matter where I am 

No matter what I do

 No matter what I say

I want my love to look like Him!

As our flight approaches I really want to make

sure that I am full of His love and not 

look at things thru a negative sight!

I want our journey to resemble 

the love that made my father love and still wants

me even after my little baby fit!

T Minus 8 days and counting

8 DAYS left until I be a world traveler!
 That thought brings me a huge smile to my face.

I think I am doing fine until I am reminded how soon 

we will be leaving!

Then I get all nervous and excited at the same time.  

Is that possible?
well I can tell you that it is.

WE have so many items to get taken care of before we leave to the airport.

 I feel kind of like Santa  Claus I have a list and I have been checking it more 

then twice an hour! ha ha

I am so excited to see where he lives and where he has spent
his days so far.
I can not wait to see his home land and take in all the sights and sounds




.
I have promised to bring back some goodies for my classroom.
Every one is soo excited including the paras.
I have warned them as well as, my other collegues
there should be no parties while I am away.
I got the wink and nod of assurance that it will all take place
while I am gone!

I am so happy and I am ready to see the My boy.
I feel like I could sing just like this boy and be soo very happy!

Sing with me!

WOW!!!!!!!!!!

Update!

We are leaving  on Nov. 4th.

There is a great deal of emotions that come with this journey.

Fear, doubt, excitement, happiness,  all of these have hit me at one point or another.

There has been moments that I have experience all of these in the same hour.

I do know that I am so very blessed.  

I have had several encouraging notes and words this week.  

We received a nice Thank you and some money to help pay for our trip.

Because of all the emotions that have pledged me thus far

I was accused of being pregnant!

Well sort of, I thought!

I do not have to have the physical labor pain, But I have had some labor!

Labor of my time and how that taxes my emotions. 

Labor of doubt and fears that invade my thoughts.

A labor of love that will be with in reach soon.

How we as a family have longed for this time to come and now it has.

I know that I am not the only one who is feelings that have overwhelmed my being!

My girls are so very thrilled and nervous at the up coming trip.

I can finally go over and see those innocent angels  who have touched my heart.

I can finally see and touch and speak life to their hearts.

I can finally see my boy and hug him.

I can finally tell him that he is so amazing and such a gift.

I may not be physically pregnant I feel like I am.

I cry at the silly commericals while craving chocolate.  

WAIT I did that before I was pregnant!.. ha

Paul has reminded me that we only have 23 days left.  

What to do what to do!

Too many things to do!

I will try to remind myself what I tell my kids..

Smell my flowers and blow out my candles!

Three deep breaths and relax!

Before I wrap up my thoughts I wanted to say

Thank you to all who have helped us so far.

I know that I do  not deserve all the I receive and for that I am so Thankful!

This is the song that has been playing over and over in my head this week.

I hope that you can and will enjoy it.