Friday, February 14, 2014

HAPPY LOVE DAY

I use to really hate Valentine's day.
I hated all the 
colors,
the fake smiles,
the idea of what love is to look like!
I rolled my eyes at the very thought of romance 
and valentine's day!
I thought that I hated Love.
I was hurt by people I thought I loved 
and
I thought they loved me!



That was until a friend broke
 my perception of love, 
while teaching me the truth.
Love is not just 
cards
flowers
jewelry
gifts
and all the public display of affection!

Love comes from the heart.
It might be forgiving even when still angry.
It is caring about that person even if you do not agree!
It is understanding that love still exits 
even if there is damage and brokenness.

THIS IS WHEN LOVE IS NEEDED THE MOST!

Love looks like a patient hand.
Love looks like a smile after a long day of making mistakes.
Love looks at the others differences as a celebration.
Love gives hope, dreams and peace.
Love looks for the best even though many years have passed.
Love is a empathic hug after an emotional explosion.

LOVE IS HARD!

It will require ME to be put on the back burner.
It will require me to actually look at others in my life.
Love does not guarantee a Fairy tale ending. 
Love does require me to look inward 
and sometimes that is a struggle.

Love forces me to look at myself and see if I am in check.
What kind of love is it IF I expect others
to treat me with 
patience
kindness
long suffering
forgiveness
and I am not giving those in return!

My friend told me that I needed to first learn
to love myself!
Then I could love others better!

She was right, I treated people the way
I treated myself!
There was moments of the day I could not stand 
my own reflection.
I would explode and then beat myself up after.
I could not forgive my stupidity.
I kept a running record of the
mistakes
pain
disappointment
frustration
that I caused people and myself.
I listen to the lies that filtered into my mind and heart.
I believed that I was worthless.
I believed that I was a lost cause.
I believed that no one could love me!

That was until one day, when my friend introduced me to someone
 who loves me for me.
He understand me.
He forgives me.
He knows that I am not perfect and he does not require me to be!
He filled my heart with a better picture of myself.
He taught me who I am.
It has nothing to do with what I have done.
It does not depend on what I can do well.
It does not depend on anything I can do or not do!
 It is all in knowing who I am 
and
be thankful for what I was given.
It has nothing to do with me and 
everything with what He gave for me.
He helped me to see my worth 
and 
in return I see others worth!
Guess what?
We are equal!

I love love! 
Even though it  can be heart breaking!
It is hard to allow others a free will that I myself have.
It is hard to allow choices to be made 
even if they are harmful.
It is hard sometimes to show love 
even in the face of evil.
BUT
I know what love I was given.
I know what love that erases the pain.
I know a love that helps me dream.
I know what love looks like!
I know that I look at myself differently.
This helps me to see others differently.

This helps me to love unconditionally!
I know that is not a typical practice in today's world.
I know it does exist!
To everyone that I am privilege to love.
I want you to know I love you unconditionally.
I hope that you know that by now!





 

Saturday, January 25, 2014

He is never alone!

It has officially been one year since our world changed.
One year since the hot tears of anger flowed down my face.
One year since my boy was refused his own family.
One year of heart aches, hoping and praying
One year later we still do not have our boy.

Do you want to know how easy it is to become a bitter person?
EASY!
I have caught myself looking at people that have 
a happy child at the park playing
and
I think that should be us with Artem.
I see parents that hurt their children and again
I wonder why!
The bitterness can take root as quickly as that.




I was in Artem's room today and I just sat 
on the floor as I  remembered making the walls in his room.
I remember how we, family and friends wrote
 our thoughts and prayers 
on the two by fours before we hung the sheet rock.
I remember how the girls and I  sat in there and 
wondered what toys he would like better.
I remember the colors that Paul choice for his room.
I remember sanding the walls and not
complaining once because it was for him.
Then I went to his dresser and found some shirts 
we had bought for him.

 
Again I asked why, why, why....
I can see how people that have done this whole adoption
process can get bitter if it does not go the way
it was planned. 
I know how a heart can break 
when you had
 planned,
 dreamed
 longed
 and 
envisioned another little blessing to come
be a part of the family and it has not happened.
I know how helpless it feels.
I know how the tears
 burn,
 enrage,
 and sometimes
 will not cease.
I know how you feel so lost.
What to do now!?!??!
I know how it feels to have someone
rip the carpet out from under your feet.
I also know how it can make me a 
skeptic,
 sarcastic, 
and a  very bitter person.
When I look in the mirror and see that person
it makes me sad and angry.
That is not who I am!
That is not what I am about!
I also know that is takes work and 
always a watchful eye to notice yourself
slipping back into that bitter person.  
That person who is not always looking for 
the bad in things.
That person who believes that there
was some kind of guarantee in this world.
I can be bitter with what I think I should have got!
I can be happy with the time that I did get!

I am so thankful for the chance to met Artem.
I am so blessed to have spent some time with him and his friends.
I will never forget those smiles, laughs and the stories.
I will always hold him in my heart.
He will always be my little man!
He will always make me smile when I look at his face.
He will always be a part of this family
even if he is not near us at this time!
I stamped him as a Mosley and he is mine.
No matter what this world may say!
I love you Artem and we are not giving up on you.
Your whole family is fighting for you baby boy.
Just like Kersten said,
OHANA
means family.
Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten!


Saturday, November 30, 2013

Where are you Heros?

     I Like this quote I dislike this quote

“The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him.”


The urgency to protect has never been more prevalent then now!
I have heard, listened  and cried at some of the news lately.  
The very act of taking advantage of the weak
has exploded with it's piousness affects on the most innocent.  

Between the stories of child sex trafficking 
that even happens here in my own backyard, 
to 
the reports of abuse and neglect that happen to 
the weakest of babies.
I am filled with sorrow, pain and the urge to defend these.
The innocent, the ones that have to suffer
and suffer injustice due to the fact
they can not  choose.

They get to suffer because of someone else's  poor choices.








I have a huge problem with this!
I do know that free will is something that is given and not taken away.
So what people do with it is the game changer.
 
We can decide to make great choices and full fill our purpose.
We can decide to make every moment count 
to make a good ripple that will last.

Since I have this choice I need to remember that 
every other human does as well.  
This is the part that is hard to accept.

Knowing that people have control of their choices 
should empower us to help.
Help protect the little and the least of these 
that can not exercise his/her free will.

Do you honestly think that 
disabled children and young adults
ask to be taken advantage of.
Do you think they say 
"Please take what ever you need and 
leave me on the side of the road."  

Do you honestly think the little boys and girls 
ask to be traded for pleasures.

Do you think that the little orphans ask to stay where they are.
Instead of having a chance to be in a loving home.

Do you think the little baby says 
"I know you had a moment of passion 
and you do not want me to change your life's plan"

Do you really think that any child
ask to be forgotten, misplaced, preyed upon and neglected!

If so I am sorry for your present state of mind.
If thinking about this has you feeling a mixture of emotions
then that is good you are still alive!

All I am asking for us to do is 
do what is right!
This all includes any one that loves children
any child regardless of sex, race, creed and abilities.
Take a stand!
If you see that the least of these are being 
taken advantage of,
neglected
abused,
traded
forgotten
or misplaced.
STEP IN..

Use your free will for the betterment of our world.
Use your power to help!


 This current condition is a world wide event.
We as a human race have forgotten to take care of our
most prized possession.
Our future our very own.

We where at one time all children.
I am so thankful for the advocates I had.
I am forever grateful that I was rescued.
I had people who stood up for me.
That is still effecting me and my choices to this day!
I want to be a child's advocate.
I want to give them the best so they can return that.

I know that I will stand for the least of these until the world ends.
That is my choice!

I am proud of that choice.
How can you look into the eyes of children
without knowing you have done all you
can to protect them.  

SO, my heros where are you?
Please know that you are not alone in this fight.
If you stand up for what is right you  will never be alone!




Be  a Hero! Do what is Right!
Please listen to this song 
think then be moved to action!



Friday, September 27, 2013

Do we really do what is best for the helpless?

Do we really do what is best for the helpless?
When I say we I mean Human kind.
 The adults, the ones that have grown up.
The ones who are suppose to know better.
The ones who are to protect and serve in an honorable manner.
The ones who have learned how to share, listen, think 
and not react in a negative way. 

Us adults, do we think that we have arrived!
Do we think that we know all
 and
 can play the role of God?
Then and only then are we able
 to handle the consciences  of our choices?
Without blaming everyone but the source of the conflict.

What happens to our mind when we grow up?
We are to make this earth better.
We are to teach the younger generations the positive
and best way to interact with others. 
We are to show
 patience,
 mercy,
 grace
 and compassion.

Why have we not taken this role seriously?
Why do we think we can act 
and
 react like a child that does not know better!
We do know better....
We need to be the bigger one!
We need to not always look at our pride.
We need not to always push our way.
IF we do continue to push our way and make those choices, 
we need to be prepared for consequences!
I have had to put this pattern of behavior into practice lately.

I have to bite my tongue.
I have had to slow down my mouth
 and let it catch up with my thoughts.
I have taken the other person's thoughts, actions and behavior into consideration.
However, when the innocent and helpless suffer it makes it that much harder.
Therefore I am speaking out today.
Since Jan. 1st of this year the hasty, reaction to people's pride caused
hundreds of people to suffer.
We are not just suffering from the physical, we are also suffering emotionally.
The worse part of this is that the helpless children have to suffer.
Suffer emotionally, spiritually and physically. 
Since the ban on American adoptions, there has been
several children that have died.  
In the past two days
 two children have not been able to 
come home
 and
 feel the love and hope that a family can offer.
These precious little ones suffered
 from many different causes of neglect.
 
These children had the opportunity to see love when their
mamma's and papa's got to spend time with them.
They got to bond and feel what hope feels like,
 then what?!
Adults got hurt and thought that all the other adults where not playing nicely.
Let us call it as it is!
This ban has nothing to do with the past abuse or even death of 
children here in the States, 
if that was true then
 every case
 of abuse and neglect here, there, or any where 
 will play into that choice. 
We know that this is not happening.
I know that there are problems  with the adoption realm.
Let us be realistic there are many programs that are broken in
any nation, city, or state.

If the problem is:

 IF we as adults truly cared about the children's 
suffering here or abroad we would come up with a solution,

INSTEAD of pointing blame and trying to start a battle
with the wars of words!
These actions never help or solve the problem at hand!
We can justify our actions for our choices
 till we are blue in the face.
This does nothing but harm, scar, or even kill the little ones who are
counting on the sound mind and choices of us our adults!



Therefore,
 if we are adults,
 then let us
sit down and come up with a solution 
to help the helpless.
We need to do this before another child has to pay the price!
This can be fixed if we are willing to 
make better choices 
and 
put our own hurts,
scars
intentions
aside
for the best solution for the children.
I hate the fact that people have to suffer for 
poor choices of  others.
I hate this fact
 however,
 it is a fact!
I know that the thing I can control is my actions and re-actions.
I want for all of us to do that!
PLEASE
PLEASE
THE CHILDREN ARE COUNTING ON US!

Please check out this website:

Friday, July 26, 2013

I am at Peace

There is not a day that passes when my mind doesn't
remembers the sights, sounds, and smells of Russia.



I remember the smiles of the caregivers as they
told us about the children who they take care.

I remember the smell of the lunch room
as the meal was getting ready to be served.

I remember the sound of children 
talking, singing and the echos of their foot steps
ringing, as they walked down the long hall.
If I close my eyes I can still hear them.

I remember the wonder in the eyes of the children.
I remember the joy and excitement in their eyes as 
they  got the chance to full fill the need
of self worth by sweeping, dusting and helping the 
younger child to be where they needed to be.

I remember the smiles on the faces of 
Paul ,Artem, the Director, and our facilitator
as we got to spend some time together.
 We made some great memories full of laughter
joy and tears.
I remember the love, peace and happiness 
I felt while there.
  

(pictures of the kiddos that live there)
I know that if our boy can not come home now
he will be taking care of, until he turns 21.
Then he would have to be moved again to another place.
That is what I use to think then I reflect on that ....
 and  I feel ashamed of my thoughts because
he is God's little one and he will be taken care of 
everyday of his life, even if I can not be with him.



I use to ask WHY? 
I have come to grips with the fact that I would not be able to handle why?
I could be going through a test or even a growing pain.
I could be selfish and only look at the small time  we had together!
I could be sick and tired of being a lesson for myself or someone else!
OR 
I could be thankful for the people and the children I got to hug,speak with, love on!
I could say Thank you for allowing and blessing the time together.
I  could remember that my heart, soul , life and being 
has been forever changed for the good.
I could remember that everything happens for a reason!
I could trust that God knows better than I.



 
That my friends is a better place to dwell.
I am at peace with what ever happens.
I choose to rely, trust and obey my purpose,
even when it is hard and painful to do so!
But it is not always based on my feelings
it is based on what I know!
I know that God is bigger and is in control no matter what happens.
I know that because of Him 
I have a love that is uncommon.
I have peace that people don't understand.
I have forgiveness that makes no sense.
I know it is not of myself. 
 I know who I was and who I am now.

 (this is a picture Artem and Paul took on the first day of meeting him)

 THANK YOU
to everyone who I got to meet
while in Russia, I know that 
you believe in your purpose also.
Thank you for caring the innocent.
Thank you for feeding them when they are hungry.
Thank you for allowing us to come over and meet you.
Thank you for allowing me to spend some time with my son.
You all are in my prayers and thoughts!


 

Monday, July 8, 2013

Seven long months!

The past seven months have been a long fight.
I have to fight back the tears every day that I sit in his room.
I fight back the anger that overwhelms my mind and actions.
I have to fight back the words of retaliation. 
I fight back the doubt and wounds that words have caused.
I fight back the negativity that has invaded my thoughts and dreams!


I have had to fight for people to understand 
how it is possible that I love this little boy.
How I care if he upset.
We spent a week with him and it only took that time
to really confirm that he is my child.
How long does it truly take to fall in love?  
I have had to fight
 I fight to understand why, why,why,
WHY 
why would this be allowed to happen. 
Why do some people get all they want and others have to suffer!
Why do the innocent always teach us the toughest lessons. 
Why does it take us so long to learn.
Why is it hard to love and let go.

WHY....

I have been fighting and it seems that it is in vain.
All of it!
I see with my eyes and I see nothing changing.
  Even so, I will keep fighting for the under dog.
I will keep fighting for love that this world does not understand.
I will keep fighting for the peace and the understanding 
that is uncommon.
I will fight for the right to be loved.
I will fight for the right to be apart of a family.
I will keep fighting because I know that I do not fight alone.
Even when I am bloody and bruised I will fight!
Even when it looks like it is over I will not throw in the towel.
I will fight til the end!
Because I know it will be a part of the bigger picture.
I will fight for my boy Artem
as well as other orphan's because I my self was adopted.



I am so thankful for the right to have a family, love and support.
For that very reason I will fight!
So give me one more round!
I am ready! 


Friday, June 21, 2013

Words can and should turn into actions!

In my life I have generally been the cheerleader,
I tend to think positively.
I am a sucker for happy endings.
I also tend to believe that there is good in every one.

I tend to say
" hang in there, help is on the way".
"It is only a season nothing last forever!"
"Always leave your loved ones with kind words"
"He who angers you controls you."
"Every  thing happens for a reason!"
Even when I say
"I love you or care about you!"
 
It is pretty different living out these words.
It is easy to say things but to actually believe it 
and live it, is a harder task

I have learned to be careful what I ask for.
I ask for patience and I am waiting and waiting!
I want to be more loving and kind 
and I find myself with an inner conflict.
Even when I am tired and I do not feel like giving more
I try to do what is Right.

It is sometimes hard to live the words that are to 
encourage, give peace, and show affection.
It is hard but not impossible.
I know that everything does happen for a reason.
 I also know that I do not need to know why.
It is hard to live out the words that I believe .
That is why I have friends and family to remind me.
Remind me of what the little things are 
all about!
I will make sure that I am careful to be true
to what I say.
I still know that everything is going to be alright!
In the end it will be o.k.
and if it is not o.k.
then it is not the end!
I do know that it will be alright !