Sunday, March 8, 2015

IS IT WORTH IT?




What is your answer to this question?

Is the weight gain, swollen limbs,
nausea, and the long 
hours of labor worth it?
Most would say Yes!

Is the broken arm, wrecked knee,
and long hours of practice
worth it?
Most would say Yes!

Is the joy, pride,
legacy, and the time spent
worth it?
Most would say Yes!

I have heard this question many times as 
we travel this road of adoption.

 I do not remember 
signing or reading a document 
that guarantees 
"Everything  that is worth it, will be easy."

I do not remember having that much control
over what happens
that I can choose and pick
which life altering change
I can deal with at that time!

Is living life and 
trying to make every minute count
worth it?

Is seeing the face of the people 
you love, worth it?

 Is hearing the words that 
you are loved, worth it?

Is falling into the arms 
of someone who 
makes you feel safe
worth it?

So If we have to do finger prints and
FBI backgrounds checks again,
so be it!

If we have to fill out another 
document that states 
that we live here and work for them,
So be it!

If we have to change our
selfish ways to love
another beautiful soul 
so be it!

If we have to pay to have all
this paper work walked to 
the office it needs to be
so be it!

If we have share our time
with someone in need of it
so be it!

If we have to wait,
so be it!

I am here to tell you that it is all worth it.
To love and to have a person apart of
your family is always worth it!

To leave a print of love on their soul to match yours!
I believe that it is worth it!
I believe that everyone should have a place that they call home.
I believe that we are able and longing 
to make this dream come true 
for this little girl.

So love, patience, kindness, long suffering
are they worth it, to see the change of one soul?
Is it worth it be connected to people?

My answer is Yes!
That is my final answer!












Sunday, February 8, 2015

It is well with me...


By nature I am a very independent person who has 
a plan and can see what needs to
be done and does it!
There are moments of the day 
where I feel uncertain 
and unsure of myself.
These moments of uncertainty come
from my lack of sight.
I am a visual person.  I like bright colors.
I like the motion that a windmill makes.
I like to watch the clouds form into different animals.
I like to look down the road and see what is next.

I get anxious when I can not see things,
Then my default setting takes over and 
I feel the need to hold on to the things.  
The need to control what I can 
feel with my hands,
 takes over of my senses.
I try to convince myself that this will
help to ease my anxiety.
It only lasts for a short time.

There have been a multitude of moments in my life 
when I know beyond a shadow of a doubt
God designed it,
directed it,
and 
I had to trust without questions.
and it was all well.

I also know beyond a shadow of a doubt
that there has been times 
when I thought I had the better plans.
I knew it all.
I thought I could fix it!
When I look back on my life and see some moments,
it reminds me that I have a choice.
I get to choose many things.

The most important choice I can make
 is to trust in the one who will
always, always 
love me.
I can trust in my own abilities, and strength.
I can trust I know better even though
my vision can be tunneled!
I can trust in my own awesome self,
 I can plan and execute something that is so far above me.
Why would I do that!
I know myself and I know my faults and flaws!
I also know that I can not even control my own body.
If I could I would not have migraines.
I would have a perfect healthy body and that is not the case.

 I know that I can not possibly do
 what God is suppose to do!
When I am reminded of that fact
it makes my choice easier.

Even though my physical eyes can not see
everything that is coming.
My heart and being 
can see his faithfulness.
I can close my eyes and hear my children's voices.
I know just by the sound of their voice who it is.
I can close my eyes 
and feel the support and love
that my husband gives me.
I can close my eyes and still see a sunset 
that happened last week.

I am learning to close my physical eyes and trust
in what I can not always see.
I cannot see love but I feel it!
I cannot see forgiveness but I can feel it!
I can not see peace but I can feel it!
I cannot see why some things happen and some do  not!

I can feel that peace that all is well.  
Today at this very moment I choice 
not to use my physical eyes to see things.
I want to see the way God sees!
I will trust Him where every the road may bend.
I will trust Him because I have chosen 
to focus my eyes on the one!


We as humans all have a focal point 
we direct our attention to 
in times of good and sorrow!
May it be directed to the one who is
the source of strength.
 Psalms 121:
1I lift up my eyes toward the mountains—
from where will my help come?
2My help is from the LORD,
maker of heaven and earth.

That fact along makes it well with  my soul!
I will try not to fight against you.
I will try to be a better listener.
I will try to listen to your words.
I will try not to doubt what you have said.
I will let my soul go and cling to you!






Friday, December 26, 2014









As the laughter quieted on the other end of the phone my sister in law reported to me that she thought I was a typical soccer mom. 
 “You know the one that you see on T.V. driving the kids to every activity in the family van.”  
 “The one that lives in a house garnished with a white picket fence.”
 “You know that one who is living the American dream.”  
 After the conversation ended I hung up the phone. 
 Those words seemed to echo in my ears and caused my mind to ponder. 
 I thought we are a very typical family.   
A family with a mother, Michelle, that teaches a Life Skills class at a local Elementary for the past seventeen years.
 A father, Paul, who also loves his occupation that he has with the local city office. 
 The oldest child is a daughter, Kersten, who loves to root for the underdog and an infectious outgoing personality. 
 The second daughter, Kelsee, who loves to sing and is the class clown due to her quick wit that keeps people in stitches. 
 Our family also has the company of two boxers, Libby and Asia.  
 So you see the typical family, Right?!






This American family our family had just that a dream. 
  This dream started with a seed of compassion for needy children. 
 After sponsoring a sweet girl from the Philippians for several years, the seed sprouted into having the chance to provide a child a forever home. 
  In 2011 the chance to provide a home for an orphan was looking like a possibility.  
 The chance to say Thank you for allowing the torch of parenthood to be passed. 
 We could see it!  After many hours of filling in blank lines and answering hundreds of questions the paper work was finished. 
 The many days of waiting, working and praying finally paid off. 
 The seedling blossomed into a new plant with the flight of the first trip to meet the little boy who had stolen our hearts.
 We had the opportunity to meet some inspirational people and our boy. 
 We spent a week in his country and feel in love with him and his culture.  
 We signed more paper work to start the next step of a court date. 



 The fragile plant that started could not stand up to the blustery storm that was approaching. 
The winds of discord brought the rain of obstinacy. 
 This caused the thunder and the lightening to clap in an enormous rage across our dream. 
A month and a half passed and the storm raged and ripped the fragile plant of adoption away from us.
 At the end of 2012 the country halted all adoptions. 
The doors that where once opened where now slammed and nailed shut with no glimmer of light to be seen. 
  The past two years have caused us as a family unit to reflect on some core believes. 
        We still have a longing to be a forever family.  
 We still love and long for our little boy, who is physically far off but held so close in our hearts.  
 The climate and soil is ready for a new seedling, a new plant a new gift.  We are in the process of bringing home another child. 
 A sweet little girl this time.  
 We have once again filled in the blank lines and answered hundreds of questions. 

 We are finishing our dossier in order to be officially matched with this little one. 
 Our fragile seedling needs some support. 
  Our typical family still has that dream. 
 A dream to provide a child with
 a home, 
a place of acceptance,
 a place to dance with joy,
 a place to run to when sorrow hits,
 a place filled with people who truly love each other. 
 Would you be willing to help us fulfill this dream?  
 We need people who are in like mind to help us reach this dream. 
 We are in need of financial support. 
 We did not recover any funds from our failed adoption. 
Saying that out loud still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
It still stings my eyes with salty tears.
I am asking and pleading! 


        I am asking as a mother who longs to hold her child.
I am asking as a chosen child.  
 I was an orphan. 
  My twin and I where loved so much that we received two sets of parents. 
I am asking as a fellow human being who believes that
 Love, 
compassion
 and forgiveness
 grows the best kind of humans.
  I believe that everyone deserves to have a family.  
  Everyone deserves a place called home.
 Everyone deserves love, second chances and the opportunity to grow into what they are to become. 
Even if you believe in one of these, please help fund our adoption.
We are in need of $35,000 to make this dream come true.
Could you find it in your heart to help a dream come true?!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

I want to dream again!

To Dream: a condition or achievement
that is longed for!

I want to dream again.
I want a season of believing that right will win 
and everyone gets a happy ending.
I have had to wrestle myself many times over!
I have had to stand face to face with my own words
and three of my major beliefs in this world.

1. We are not guaranteed anything!
2.  Everything happens for a reason or a lesson!
3.  We should know who we are!

As many of you know our dream of 
Artem joining our family can not be
granted at this time.
This has been a journey that has tested, reshaped
and caused a confrontation in me.
It has not been easy  however it has caused
growth and learning.
As an educator I know that some lessons are
harder than others to internalize .
I have had to face the fact that we are not
guaranteed anything.
This includes people in our lives.
Our career.
Our health.
Our very breath.
Our family members.
Our friends.
 The time we get with them.
We have no control over any of it!
This is a tough pill to swallow.

Everything happens for a reason or a lesson.
If the only reason was for me to 
see the beauty of this sweet little boy 
and always remember his smile, 
then so be it!  
If the lesson is to value every minute 
and make those minutes count with 
something eternal then so be it!

We should know who we are!
 I know I preach how important it is
 to know who you are.
I do believe it.
Some days it is harder to see it!
I know that I am Michelle Lee Mosley.
What does that look like.
At times  crazy, hyper, positive 
other times quiet, pondering,stubborn.
I am loved, redeemed, chosen, worthy.
These qualities need to be the driving point 
to vanquish the negative ones.
I am prideful and I do not like to ask for help.
I can also be stubborn which not always a bad thing.

I know I do have a longing I have a dream.
I dream of saving a child.
I dream of investing in that soul.
I dream of  telling that child
he/she is chosen, wanted and loved.
 I am ready to open my heart again!
 
I am in need of some help.
I need some support in this decision.
I have the ok to move on and save another.
I need you all to help me over come my fears.
 The fear of another failed adoption.
 The fear of the unknown.
The fear of not being able to see how 
this adoption will happen.
I am asking for you to help me get 
over all this fear!
There is a little girl that is waiting for her
forever family to find her.
I want to be a part of that!
She is waiting to hear someone say
you are worth it!
 She is waiting to be chosen and We choose her!

I need you all to pray for us.
 I need you to support us.
 I need you to hug me
 and give me words of encouragement.
Can I count on you!
Please come and dream with me!
 I need all of you!
 

 
 

 



 

Friday, February 14, 2014

HAPPY LOVE DAY

I use to really hate Valentine's day.
I hated all the 
colors,
the fake smiles,
the idea of what love is to look like!
I rolled my eyes at the very thought of romance 
and valentine's day!
I thought that I hated Love.
I was hurt by people I thought I loved 
and
I thought they loved me!



That was until a friend broke
 my perception of love, 
while teaching me the truth.
Love is not just 
cards
flowers
jewelry
gifts
and all the public display of affection!

Love comes from the heart.
It might be forgiving even when still angry.
It is caring about that person even if you do not agree!
It is understanding that love still exits 
even if there is damage and brokenness.

THIS IS WHEN LOVE IS NEEDED THE MOST!

Love looks like a patient hand.
Love looks like a smile after a long day of making mistakes.
Love looks at the others differences as a celebration.
Love gives hope, dreams and peace.
Love looks for the best even though many years have passed.
Love is a empathic hug after an emotional explosion.

LOVE IS HARD!

It will require ME to be put on the back burner.
It will require me to actually look at others in my life.
Love does not guarantee a Fairy tale ending. 
Love does require me to look inward 
and sometimes that is a struggle.

Love forces me to look at myself and see if I am in check.
What kind of love is it IF I expect others
to treat me with 
patience
kindness
long suffering
forgiveness
and I am not giving those in return!

My friend told me that I needed to first learn
to love myself!
Then I could love others better!

She was right, I treated people the way
I treated myself!
There was moments of the day I could not stand 
my own reflection.
I would explode and then beat myself up after.
I could not forgive my stupidity.
I kept a running record of the
mistakes
pain
disappointment
frustration
that I caused people and myself.
I listen to the lies that filtered into my mind and heart.
I believed that I was worthless.
I believed that I was a lost cause.
I believed that no one could love me!

That was until one day, when my friend introduced me to someone
 who loves me for me.
He understand me.
He forgives me.
He knows that I am not perfect and he does not require me to be!
He filled my heart with a better picture of myself.
He taught me who I am.
It has nothing to do with what I have done.
It does not depend on what I can do well.
It does not depend on anything I can do or not do!
 It is all in knowing who I am 
and
be thankful for what I was given.
It has nothing to do with me and 
everything with what He gave for me.
He helped me to see my worth 
and 
in return I see others worth!
Guess what?
We are equal!

I love love! 
Even though it  can be heart breaking!
It is hard to allow others a free will that I myself have.
It is hard to allow choices to be made 
even if they are harmful.
It is hard sometimes to show love 
even in the face of evil.
BUT
I know what love I was given.
I know what love that erases the pain.
I know a love that helps me dream.
I know what love looks like!
I know that I look at myself differently.
This helps me to see others differently.

This helps me to love unconditionally!
I know that is not a typical practice in today's world.
I know it does exist!
To everyone that I am privilege to love.
I want you to know I love you unconditionally.
I hope that you know that by now!